Houston at Cincinnati (-3)
If you're thinking about jumping off the Bengals after their 35-7 loss at Pittsburgh, now's not the time. Remember, this isn't your typical Cincinnati team filled with ex-convicts and felons, and may put every defender in the box against the Andre Johnson-less Texans.
Kansas City at New York Jets (-10)
Despite Tyler Palko's suckiness being well-known, he has managed to cover two of the three games he's started; A modern Christmas miracle! But the run ends at the Meadowlands, where Palko's inability to complete another Hail Mary voids the Chiefs of any semblance of offense.
Minnesota at Detroit (-9.5)
Christian Ponder and Adrian Peterson enter this game as questionable for the Vikes. You know who else is questionable? The rest of Minnesota's 53-man roster! Detroit mixes in touchdowns with some leg drops to various Minnesota offensive linemen for the cover.
Tampa Bay (-2) at Jacksonville
In lieu of talking about this awful game, let's examine my first round fantasy football matchup in my main league, shall we. (I understand how annoying it is to listen to someone talk about fantasy football, much less write about it. So if you want to skip this, by all means, feel free).
I'll be going with: Eli, Fitzgerald, Brandon Marshall, DeMarco Murray, Gore, Witten, A.J. Green, Matt Bryant and the Denver defense.
I'll be going up against: Roethlisberger, Calvin Johnson, Lance Moore, Mendenhall, Kevin Smith (or Maurice Morris), Jordy Nelson, Jermichael Finley, Nick Novak and the Green Bay defense.
Winning this week (and the two weeks that follow) will require a tiny bit of luck but a LARGE amount of skill.
Philadelphia (+3) at Miami
Everything about Miami has to come crashing down at some point, right? What happened to the Dolphins' home-field disadvantage? Where is that team that blew a 15-0 late lead to Denver at home? Where is it!?!
New Orleans (-3.5) at Tennessee
The Titans are the popular upset pick this week. But I don't want to be the guy hoping for Tennessee to cover when I realize "Wait, who is Matt Hasselbeck throwing to again?" (The answer is some form of Jared Cook, Damian Williams and Lavelle Hawkins).
New England (-8) at Washington
No need to over think this one and wonder why this line is so low, I took care of that already. Instead, look at this as an early Christmas gift from the bookies and cash in as much as you can.
Indianapolis at Baltimore (-16.5)
The plan here is to not watch a minute of this game until the last five minutes, when Indianapolis will be down 23 and driving in hopes of executing its second consecutive backdoor cover.
Atlanta (-3) at Carolina
Atlanta continues its season-long process of losing to the good teams on its schedule and defeating the average to bad teams en route to its definite first round loss come January.
Chicago (+3.5) at Denver
Am I the only one siding with Caleb Hanie instead of Tim Tebow this weekend? I am? OK, just checking.
San Francisco (-4) at Arizona
The longstanding rule of taking Arizona at home against Dallas (and the Cards not only covering, but winning) has pushed this spread down to four. I'll take the rock solid 49ers against the skittish Kevin Kolb, thank you very much.
Buffalo at San Diego (-6.5)
After starting off 4-1, the Bills are now set to continue getting blown out by various teams over the remainder of their schedule, with the trend continuing Sunday at San Diego.
Oakland (+12) at Green Bay
Deep punts and long field goals. Deep punts and long field goals. Deep punts and long field goals.
New York Giants (+3.5) at Dallas
If ever there were a game where the home team should be favored by three (thereby signaling the teams as equal), it would be this one. Dallas blew a win in Arizona that would have allowed them to clinch the NFC East in this game, while the Giants went toe-to-toe with Green Bay and the Giants are getting an extra half point? Take the Giants and watch as Eli advances me into the fantasy semifinals.
St. Louis at Seattle (-6.5)
Instead of a good game to watch while I inevitably procrastinate studying for my finals, I get stuck with this. What the *%&$!
