June 28, 2011

Some More Reasons Why I Like Sports

Bill Simmons originated this column idea in 2001, so I thought it would be fun to list some reasons of my own.


Draft Reactions

I've spent the past few days trying to decide which fanbase has the better reactions to its team's draft picks: the Knicks, or the Jets? The responses to Thursday's selection of Iman Shumpert were pretty good, but nothing compared to the outpouring from the 2006 Renaldo Balkman fiasco (taken one pick ahead of Rajon Rondo).

This, from Simmons' 2006 Draft Diary:

Stern: "The New York Knicks select ... Renaldo Balkman"

MSG Crowd: (Explodes in horror).

Stern (over the booing): "Renaldo is not here tonight."

Dan Patrick (anchoring the draft coverage): "And that's probably a good thing."

But then there's the Jets, and the video that gets played annually when they take the clock. I've seen it over and over again, but it gets me everytime!

Mike Tannenbaum's solid draft history has helped Jets fans cope with the Ghosts of NFL Drafts Past.

My favorite exchange from the video (comes at :35 mark):

Rozelle: "New York Jets first round selection: Fullback"

Rozelle: (Brilliantly pauses without saying the player's name, allowing Jets fans to think, "Wait a second, we took an effing fullback in the first round!?!?)

Crowd: "Ohhhhhhh Nooooooooooo!"

Rozelle (grinning): "Roger Vick, Texas A&M"

Crowd: (Stunned).


Foreigners at the NBA Draft

With the top of the draft stocked with international players (they made up four of the top seven picks) there was a feeling we would be treated to some funny moments, and we weren't disappointed. My two favorites:

1.) Mark Jones' post-draft interview with Jonas Valanciunas, the No. 5 pick:

Jones (desperately trying to save interview): "You told me that your game is a little bit like Chris Bosh...how is it like Chris Bosh?"

Valanciunas: "I don't know, I have not so strong body, so I don't know." "I can move fast, so I think like this."

2.) Fran Fraschilla's analysis of Bismack Biyombo, the No. 7 pick, when Fraschilla bluntly stated the future Bobcat doesn't have an offensive game and is "allegedly" 18 years old.

WNBA Opening Week


I kid, I kid.

Atmosphere of College Football Saturdays


Nothing gets me more excited to spend the next 12 hours watching football than hearing ESPN's College GameDay crew broadcasting live from a raucous, highly drunk college campus. I like college football for the following reason: Unlike with the NFL, I don't participate in office pools/regularly gamble on games/play high-stakes fantasy football when it comes to the college game. Therefore, my Saturdays are not spent rooting for 47 different things to happen, and I can actually enjoy the game.

Few things in sports beat a great build up for a highly anticipated game that lives up to expectations and produces an electric atmosphere. For me, the best example of this would be the 2005 USC (5-0, No. 1 in polls) vs. Notre Dame (4-1, No. 9 in polls) game in South Bend. That game had it all, and here's a list of  some things I remember that added to the plot/produced a great storyline/made that Saturday afternoon stand out.

- USC entered the game undefeated, and with Leinart back for his senior year, there was talk of this being the best college football team. Ever.

- Notre Dame was in the first year of the Charlie Weis era, and had defeated nationally ranked Pittsburgh and Michigan to open the season. His penchant for offensive play calling was showcased right off the bat: In the nationally telelvised ABC primetime season opener at Pitt, Weis' offense scored 35 points. In the first half. Now, he had two weeks to create a gameplan for the Trojans.

- Reports circulated the week of the game that Notre Dame was intentionally growing out the grass in Notre Dame Stadium in an effort to slow down Reggie Bush and the USC athletes.

- Notre Dame's Friday night pep rally was televised live on ESPNews.

- The Irish came out for warmups in their home blue jerseys, then switched to the green jerseys in the locker room prior to kickoff and sent the crowd into an absolute frenzy when they ran onto the field.

- A game that lived up to the hype in every way possible. 21-14 Notre Dame at halftime. 21-21 entering the fourth.

- A 4th-and-9, season-on-the-line completion by a quarterback who was running on fumes of his fumes at this point in the game. (I'll always remember Leinart not celebrating, but instead sitting on the bench and staring straight into the ground with his helmet still on after his game-winning quarterback sneak, physically and mentally drained).

- Simmons describes that play as Leinart's "I'm Keith Hernandez! Moment," and that's a spot on comparison. Look at it this way: By this time, Leinart had achieved golden boy status, and was basically saying, "Screw it. It's fourth down, and we're on the road in Notre Dame Stadium. I'm going to audible to a streak pattern and hit Jarrett deep down the sideline. Why? Because I'm Matt freakin Leinart! Even if it doesn't work, I'm taking one class and can have any girl in Southern California."

- The clock hitting zero. Notre Dame storming the field thinking they had won, only to have seconds put back on the clock.

- Pete Carroll franitcally calling for a spike, and Leinart deciding to go with the sneak. Stonewalled at first, he then twists and turns, aided by the "Bush Push." What a memorable game.

Sadly, because I announce fall sports for AU Athletics, for these past two years and the next two years, I'll have watched/will be watching American U volleyball matches and 0-0 soccer games instead of afternoon college football. (Shaking head).

Doc Emrick 


Nobody captures the feeling of playoff hockey like Emrick. Even if I'm on the computer and not paying attention to the game, all of a sudden I'll hear the following booming from my television and I'm compelled to look up: "A shottttttt.... and it's sent WIDE past an outstretched Luongo.... it's taken at the point and ANOTHER SHOT..... REBOUNDDD.... SAVE LUONGO!!" It's nearly impossible to take your eyes off the game when he's in the booth, as the next play sounds like it's the most exciting in the history of hockey. After a commercial break I feel like I'm drained, but his announcing style perfectly portrays the intensity of playoff hockey.



M7XNDSANNXWB

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June 20, 2011

Some Reasons Why I Like Sports

Bill Simmons originated this column idea back in 2001, so I thought it would be cool to list some of my own reasons why I like sports.

Hubie Brown's Announcing
Brown announced the Western Conference Semifinals on ESPN Radio (Memphis-Oklahoma City), and has to be the first person in history to consistently jump into the second person while announcing games.

Here would be a sampling of how Hubie would announce my Father's Day: "OK, now if you're Tyler Tomea in this situation, you gotta wake up early. You can't be sleeping until 11:00 a.m., or noon, you have to be up early. Then, first thing you gotta do, you gotta wish your dad a Happy Father's Day. Very important. If you don't do that, your mind's somewhere else. Now if you're Tyler Tomea, this is your plan for the rest of the day..." Amazing.


"This is Why I Like Sports" Moments
A truly great game or transcendent moment that makes you think to yourself, so this is why I like sports. The most recent example would have to be last year's World Cup. Two draws put the U.S. into a do-or-die situation. With simultaneous kickoffs, the Americans saw England up on Slovenia. The U.S. needed to defeat Algeria, or soccer in the country would be in a disastrous position. Not getting past the group stage for a second World Cup in a row? Not advancing in a group with Slovenia, Algeria and a weaker than usual England squad? And then, in stoppage time......

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it had to be Landon Donvoan that scored that goal. The perfect person, in the perfect situation. I'll never forget how I felt when that goal was pushed across. United States 1, Algeria 0.


According to the Elias Sports Bureau, I've watched this video 57 times.

Horse Racing Analysts
I only follow horse racing three times a year, but for some reason, I watch the "pregame shows" in their entirety on those days. It always amazes me how NBC can open the broadcast at 4 p.m. for a race with a post time of 6:24 p.m. Still, for some reason, I watch.

My favorite part is when a commentator will say, "You know, Animal Kingdom is really looking for redemption today in the Belmont after his Preakness run," to which the other commentator replies, "Redemption of course, Animal Kingdom has to be motivated for this final leg." You know, if Animal Kingdom actually knew what "redemption" and "motivation" meant based on the fact that he is a horse.


Team Basketball Prevailing
I don't want to pile on LeBron after the criticism he's taken in the last few weeks. Wait a second, what am I talking about?!?! I'd love to pile on LeBron! 18 points total in the fourth quarter, Dallas victorious in six, Wooooo!

Watching Jim Zorn Coach
Since I go to college in Washington, D.C., my Sundays during my freshman year usually consisted of tracking games against spread (if it were legal), frantically refreshing my fantasy football team page, trying to explain to my two roomates the concept of football and watching Zorn coach. I always enjoyed the confused look on his face while staring at the play call sheet: It was like he was trying to decipher hieroglyphic code. Oh yeah, and then there's this:

This will be the first and last time you ever hear the words, "And the kicker is motion..."


Sports Betting
Simmons perfectly summarizes what makes this so great: The team you bet on becomes "your team" for the next three hours. If it wasn't for this, why would I care if the Jacksonville Jaguars won, or lost by less than 3.5 points. For those three hours, I'm rooting for the Jags as hard as I would if it was Duke-UNC in the middle of February.

Rooting for "Your Guy"
For me, it's always been J.J. Redick. He was the sole reason I became a Duke fan, because his game is similar to mine (good jump shooter, good free throw shooter). Plus, he's white.

As a middle schooler, I would wear my white Duke No. 4 jersey to school on a daily basis, and my nightly rituals consisted of watching him play and then imitating him the next day during basketball practice.

My best memory by far is the Duke-Texas game (No. 1 vs No. 2) in East Rutherford, N.J. during his senior year. Duke always makes at least one trip to New York or New Jersey during the holiday season, and a tradition of mine is attending these games with my Dad. He scored 41 points. On nine 3-pointers. In a 97-66 Duke win. That's my guy!

A ninth-grade version of me was at this game, at a time when I was convinced I'd be playing college basketball for Duke.


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June 8, 2011

The Rankings: Top 5 Modern Video Game Athletes

Before getting into the rankings, there first needs to be a mention of the Michael Jordan of video game athletes. There's a sort of mythical greatness surrounding virtual Bo Jackson in 1991's Tecmo Super Bowl. The stories told are so incredible, so out of this world, that it's tough to believe them at first. "I once had 350 rushing yards at halftime with video Bo." Or, "I finished one game with over 750 rushing yards on the afternoon." In fact, people today go up to Jackson simply to complement him on the abilities of his virtual self.
I've read that players would run out one whole quarter on a single play with Jackson before heading to the endzone. (Not that I researched this or anything like that). I can't rank Jackson on my list because I was barely over 1-year-old when Tecmo was released, but like Willie Mays or Joe Montana, even though I never saw him play, I recognize his greatness. Luckily, I've finally found the purpose of the Internet- YouTube videos of Virtual Bo!







Without further ado, the rankings:

1) Mike Vick, Madden 2004- The most dominant virtual athlete of my time, and it's not even close. On numerous occasions, Vick has caused me to contemplate whether or not to fire my controller through the TV screen when one of my buddies would pull a long touchdown run. My favorite play: The "Take a snap from shotgun, run backwards 20 yards, then fire an off-balance laser down the field for a 40-yard pass completion" play. Vick was the first Madden quarterback where you could take the snap, directly run to the sideline and then bolt 80 yards for a touchdown. Even if you didn't like Atlanta, you had to take Vick out for a couple of test runs just to see what he could do. As an added bonus, this was before the whole dogfighting scandal, so you didn't feel guilty while playing with him. 


2) Jon Dowd, MVP Baseball 2005- You're probably thinking, "Wait, what?" "Who the heck is Jon Dowd?" Because Barry Bonds wasn't a member of the MLBPA, MVP Baseball needed to create a fictional counterpart for the San Francisco outfielder. That counterpart was Jon Dowd. In the game, Dowd was white, fat, batted right-handed, wore high socks, sported a goatee and had hair. An exact replica of Bonds himself! Putting his ridiculous physical features aside, Dowd boasted attributes of a 99 hit for power against right-handed pitchers and a 99 hit for contact against righties. You would have to have severe hand-eye coordination problems to not make contact when Dowd was at the plate.   Whether a 637-foot long ball, or a season with 160 home runs, you'd think Bonds Dowd was on steroids or something.      


3) Ken Griffey, Jr., Major League Baseball Featuring Ken Griffey, Jr.- When your name appears in the game's title, it's guaranteed your virtual self will be good. But Griffey was way more than good, smacking 600-foot home runs in this game with ease, and it didn't even matter when you swung the bat. You could swing as soon as the pitcher released the ball, or when the ball was inches away from the catcher's mitt, and somehow Junior would send a missile to center field. Also included in the game was a cheat code where Griffey would hit a home run each time at bat. (Again, not that I looked this up or anything). And not only did Griffey have the deft ability to hit balls five feet off the plate or pitches coming towards his head, but because he was on Seattle, he also didn't have to deal with Jamie Moyer's 46 mph changeup or Randy Johnson's 106 mph fastball. Sadly, Griffey's major league career went the opposite way of the video game industry: As the graphics of these games improved, his career hit a steady (and sad) decline as injuries mounted. So, what we're left with is the Nintendo 64 version of Junior.

4) Randy Moss, NFL 2K- There are few things in life more frightening than playing against the Vikings in NFL 2K, and seeing No. 84 streak down the sideline in one-on-one coverage. OK, maybe there are a lot of things more frightening than that, but still. Moss had the speed, and the ability to soar above three defenders and snag a pass out of the air. One-handed, a ball thrown behind him, a one-handed catch with the ball thrown behind him, Moss could catch everything. And I mean everything. My buddy Vo is famous for running an offense in football video games that goes something like this- 1st down: Deep Pass, 2nd down: Deeper Pass, 3rd down: Deepest Pass, 4th down: Punt, or Hail Mary. If he had Moss on his side in NFL 2K, those plays would actually work. Virtual Moss' greatness also made Minnesota one of the top video game teams with himself, a mobile, strong-armed quarterback (Daunte Culpepper), a very good running back (Robert Smith) and a possession receiver (Cris Carter). Like Vick having his own offense in Madden 2004, NFL 2K had the "Screw it, let's just throw it deep to Moss offense."

5) Reggie Bush, Madden 2007- 97 player speed. 98 agility. 98 acceleration. 99 juke moves. After reading that, you probably think I'm describing Barry Sanders. Actually, I was describing virtual Bush from Madden '07. Bush fell into the common trap of "overhyped rookie" who receives a higher rating based on his college accolades. Because of his career at USC, Bush had the rating handed over to him rather than earned, similar to how NFL rookies now have their contracts guaranteed before earning any of it. Bush's overall rating made him one of the best first-year players in Madden lore, and his blazing speed combined with shifty jukes made him unrealistically elusive. There's even some Zapruder-like footage of Bush in action on YouTube to prove my point. The only thing keeping Bush from reaching elite status in the '07 version was his 62 awareness rating. But, as we saw later on with the USC scandal, this rating of 62 was perhaps too high. Zing!






                
   

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June 6, 2011

NBA Finals Game 3: Miami Heat at Dallas Mavericks Second Half Running Diary

Since 1985, when the NBA Finals is tied at one apiece, the winner of Game 3 has been crowned champion in all 10 instances. With that in mind, I thought there would be no better time than now to write a second-half running diary of Sunday's game. (That, and because I don't feel like slipping into a severe depression while watching the Mets on Sunday Night Baseball).

Through seven quarters in this series, I was thinking a Heat championship was definite and all I could do was hope for Fake Rapture #2 to come along before Miami was handed the trophy. But then, just as I had thought about turning off the TV during Game 2.... Dirk came through!

And now we're here, in Dallas for Game 3, with one team about to take control of this series. Here goes the running diary:

9:32 p.m. I'm joined by a grilled chicken sandwich, a can of Pepsi and a half-eaten bag of barbecue Lay's potato chips. 47-42 Miami halftime lead.

9:34 p.m. Joel Anthony starts the second half with a block of Nowitzki, and then on the other end, outruns five Mavericks for an easy layup. And yes, I'm just as surprised as you are that the preceding sentence actually happened.

9:36 p.m.  Following a Shawn Marion one-handed floater from the baseline (an awkward shot, even by his standards), Bosh converts a layup to put Miami up 53-42 and Dallas calls timeout. You're at home, you closed the half on an 11-2 run, the series is tied at one, and the Mavs come out flat. Makes perfect sense.

9:38 p.m. Wade has shown amazing energy in this game- hustling for loose balls/crashing the offensive boards/playing on the attack, and his steal leads to the 373rd Miami dunk of this Finals. 8-0 Heat run to open the second half. 55-42.

9:42 p.m. Question you definitely won't hear at work tomorrow: "So, what did you guys think of the WNBA opening weekend?"

9:45 p.m. Great defensive possession by Dallas (LeBron stripped in the lane, Bosh airball) leads to a  Kidd 3-pointer to cut the Miami lead to seven at 55-48. I watched Kidd during his prime in New Jersey, and if you told me he would have improved his jump shooting this much throughout his career, I would have never believed you.

9:46 p.m. So how does Jason Segel understand that Jordan is better than LeBron, but Scottie Pippen doesn't? (Shaking my head).

9:50 p.m. Dirk for three makes it 55-51, but Wade answers right back with a layup. 57-51 Heat with six minutes left in the third. If I'm a Miami fan, I'm still confused as to why it was LeBron launching threes and controlling the ball at the end of Game 2 rather than Wade. It's obvious Dallas has no answer for Wade. At all. (Wait, why am I saying this? I want Dallas to win. Um..... More LeBron threes in the clutch!)

9:53 p.m. Chandler with two blocks on Anthony. Can't emphasize enough how much I love Chandler with Dallas. Tough, high-impact player; nice trade by the Mavs. Nowitzki then hits a patented Nowitzki jumper, LeBron comes up short, and Marion on the fast break ties it at 57 apiece. Dallas on a 15-4 run.

9:57 p.m. Somehow, Peja Stojakovic gets rotated onto Wade at the top of the key. Jeff Van Gundy approrpiately lets out an, "Oh my." In an upset not seen since the United States took down the Soviets in the Olympics, Stojakovic forces Wade to kick it out to Haslem (who misses).

9:59 p.m. Two straight consecutive threes by the Heat (Lebron and Chalmers) put Miami in front 64-59 with less than two minutes remaining in the third. "A dagger three," says Mark Jackson. Yes, that's exactly what it was, a dagger three with 14 minutes left to be played in the game.

10:02 p.m. Ian Mahinmi fouls Juwan Howard as I wonder to myself why I just wrote those two names in a running diary about the NBA Finals. Howard makes one of two, 65-62 Miami.

10:04 p.m. Barea beautifully splits the Miami double team and kicks it to Marion in the corner for what would be a game-tying three. Off the mark. 67-64 Miami as we head to the fourth, and I'm feeling another "This is why I love sports" finish. A buddy of mine texted me asking who Mahinmi was, leading me to jokingly respond, "Wait a second, you call yourself an NBA fan and you haven't heard of Ian Mahinmi? He's one of the most relevant players in the NBA!"

10:09 p.m. Long delay with a drink spilled on the floor. One quick thing from Game 2. It was pretty obvious LeBron wanted his "Finals Moment." Leading by two with 1:30 left, he took two 26-foot 3-pointers, dominated the ball down the stretch and decided he'd rather launch from beyond the arc for that signature dagger instead of taking the ball to the hole/giving it to Wade, who had been slicing through the Dallas defense all night. Also, did Wade's 3-pointer in front of the Dallas bench from Game 2 shift the enitre landscape of this series?

10:11 p.m. The delay also allows us to consider which is better: the introduction to the NBA Finals, or the Stanley Cup commercial.

 

10:13 p.m. Barea with five points to open the quarter, and Nowitzki drills a three to help Dallas keep pace with Miami early in the fourth. Miami is called for a loose ball foul as we head to commercial with 8:48 remaining, 74-72 Heat.

10:16 p.m. LeBron James called for a travel, which means I'm fully expecting a UFO sighting in the next 30 minutes. (I'm only half-kidding).

10:21 p.m. A Chalmers three-pointer follows a Haslem jumper to make it 79-72 Miami. I like Chalmers; he hits big shots and isn't afraid to take them on a team with James, Wade and Bosh.

10:26 p.m. With 6:30 remaining, Chandler comes in with a big-time follow dunk to make it 79-74. If ever there was a time for the Mavs to make a run, it's now.

10:28 p.m. Wade and Nowitzki trade baskets, and then LeBron gets called for a double dribble after being called for traveling earlier in the quarter. I'm now convinced the world will end tomorrow.

10:32 p.m. Nowitzki layup and two free throws (26 points, eight rebounds) pulls Dallas to within three at 81-78 with under five minutes remaining. If Dallas is going to win this game, they're going to need someone other than Dirk to step up. I'm looking at you, Jason Terry. Either him or Marion, those are the only options the Mavs have.

10:35 p.m. Wade pulls up and drills a three to extend the Heat lead to six. Except for five minutes in the fourth quarter of Game 2, this has been Dwyane Wade's series.

10:39 p.m. Anytime you're up six on the road in the NBA Finals, I fully support commiitting two loose ball fouls and sending the other team's best free throw shooter to the line twice. Stupid fouls that shouldn't be committed, especially at a time when Dallas has been missing shots left and right. 84-82 Miami with 3:03 to go after four Dirk free throws.

10:41 p.m. A beautiful backdoor by Nowitzki ties it up. Wade comes back with a jumper to put the Heat up two, and then Nowitzki answers with a wing shot of his own. Tied at 86, under two minutes to play.

10:42 p.m. This is great.

10:43 p.m. Dallas doubles Wade, then doubles LeBron, who kicks to an open Bosh who drills the corner jumper for an 88-86 Miami lead. If you're Dirk, you somehow have to fight around that Haslem screen and contest that shot. How can Bosh get that good of a look, with under a minute remaining, in a tie game in the Finals?

10:45 p.m. Dirk gets caught in the air and turns it over. Worst possible possession. Miami has a chance to ice the game and settles for a long two-point jumper from LeBron. He misses. Mavs call timeout, 88-86 with four seconds left.

10: 47 p.m. This is why I love the Finals. Everyone knows this ball is going to Dirk. Everyone. If he wants his first ring, he needs to hit this shot or try to do something that hasn't been done in 26 years. Haslem's assigned to him and we've seen this shot thousands of times; a shot Dirk has become famous for and a shot only he can hit. It's his shot. Nine out of 10 times it goes down. And it's...... too strong. Off the back of the rim as Miami wins 88-86 to take a 2-1 series lead.


A few things from this game:

1) If you're a Mavs fan, you have to be feeling like you've just been repeatedly punched in the gut. If it wasn't for the fourth quarter in Game 2, Dallas would be down 3-0 and we'd be days away from the only basketball coming from the WNBA. This game was there for the Mavs; they outrebounded Miami, and attempted 12 more free throws than the Heat (no chance of this happening in Miami). It was there and they didn't get it done.

2) Someone on the Mavs has to step up. Stojakovic's stroke has gone missing since the Lakers series (rendering him useless), and the Miami defenders are in Terry's head with him complaining after every jumper.

3) With that said, you can't say enough about Miami in this game, and in this series. Wade has put together a masterpiece through three games in this series, and the Mavs have no one to stop him. And they know it. It's eerie how much his control on this series has been similar to Games 3-6 of the '06 Finals.

4) That Dirk shot to end the game tonight reminded me of Ewing's miss in Game 7 of the 1995 Eastern Conference Semifinals. Ewing was the Knicks, and Dirk is the Mavs. The Knicks had a three-year window for the title: '93 (loss to Chicago in ECF), '94 (loss to Houston in Finals) and '95. When Ewing missed the game-tying shot against Indiana in Game 7 in '95, everyone knew the window of opportunity slammed shut for that team. It's only Game 3, but with that Dirk miss, I get the same feeling with this Mavs squad.

10:58 p.m. Again, I'm reminded by the broadcast that no team has won the title after losing Game 3 with the series tied 1-1. I hope I'm wrong, but it's looking like LeBron, Wade and Bosh will get their first ring together. I'm off to go find a bridge to jump from. Follow TylerTomea on Twitter

June 1, 2011

Five Teams with the Bleakest Futures in Sports

Washington Redskins

With there being a better chance of the Rapture occurring than Donovan McNabb suiting up for the Redskins in 2011, it looks like Rex Grossman or John Beck will be under center when if we have a season. If this happens, I fully expect defensive coordinators playing Washington to employ the first ever 11-0-0 defense. From Pete Prisco at CBSSports.com: "The Washington Redskins appear ready to turn their quarterback job over to John Beck, who turns 30 in August, has four starts on his resume and has already been with three teams in four years." That sound you just heard was Redskins' fans banging their heads repeatedly against a wall. Unfortunately for me, because I attend college in Washington, I have to actually watch them suck every Sunday in the fall.


Buffalo Bills

Returning at quarterback for Buffalo is Ryan Fitzpatrick, who didn't lead the Bills to many wins, but had a knack for posting strong fantasy football numbers and engineering a litany of backdoor covers. And after all, isn't fantasy football and gambling all that matter when it comes to football? The problem with the Bills is that they will be bad in 2011, but not nearly bad enough to land the No. 1 pick and draft Andrew Luck. They probably won't even be bad enough to draft Matt Barkley, which will put them in the same position next year: Lacking a franchise quarterback. Therefore, I fully support them going 0-16 (not that it would look suspicious or anything), and drafting Andrew Luck, who would turn the franchise around. By the way, did you know that Fitzpatrick attended Harvard? Because I haven't heard the announcers mention this at all during Bills highlights.


Pittsburgh Pirates

There's bad, there's really bad, there's Isiah Thomas as a general manager bad and then there's the Pittsburgh Pirates. Somehow, the Pirates haven't had a winning season since I was two-years-old, and have finished at least 30 games back six times. Good God. Pittsburgh's calling card the past decade has been trading their good players for prospects, and then watching as those prospects fail miserably at the major league level. I hope Pittsburgh can get something going in the next couple of years, but they have absolutely no one except Andrew McCutchen. It's just never a good sign when the one thing that sticks out to me when someone says, "Pittsburgh Pirates" is an image of Randall Simon taking a bat to the back of the head of an Italian sausage mascot in a 2003 game against Milwaukee. At least Pittsburgh has the Steelers and Penguins.


Minnesota Timberwolves

Let this sink in for a little bit: At one point this season, Minnesota had Darko Milicic, Sebastian Telfair and Eddy Curry on its roster. Curry was with them for only a week before his contract was bought out, but I still find this amazing. I don't want to rip too much on David Kahn, but it's clear he has no idea how to construct a basketball team. Look at how the current roster is set up: Absolutely nothing fits together. The point when Minnesota fans looked at each other and said, "Holy Lord, we're screwed with this guy in charge," was when Kahn picked two point guards back to back in the 2009 Draft (Ricky Rubio and Jonny Flynn). My favorite comment from this situation came from Donnie Walsh: "I haven't spoken to Minnesota, but I will," Walsh said. "I don't know what's going on there. He took a lot of point guards, and I want to ask him, 'Why did you do that?' "

Charlotte Bobcats

Charlotte finished 44-38 last season and made the playoffs for the first time in franchise history. Since then, they let Raymond Felton walk as a free agent, traded Tyson Chandler and shipped Gerald Wallace to Portland, becoming the first team in league history to dismantle a playoff team in 10 months. There is not one player on the Bobcats I would pay to see play, and good things usually don't happen when you have Stephen Jackson leading your team.  Even the interesting subplot of former top pick Kwame Brown reuniting with Michael Jordan is now finished, as Brown's one-year contract with the team expired this past season.





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