Some Reasons Why I Like Sports

Bill Simmons originated this column idea back in 2001, so I thought it would be cool to list some of my own reasons why I like sports.

Hubie Brown's Announcing
Brown announced the Western Conference Semifinals on ESPN Radio (Memphis-Oklahoma City), and has to be the first person in history to consistently jump into the second person while announcing games.

Here would be a sampling of how Hubie would announce my Father's Day: "OK, now if you're Tyler Tomea in this situation, you gotta wake up early. You can't be sleeping until 11:00 a.m., or noon, you have to be up early. Then, first thing you gotta do, you gotta wish your dad a Happy Father's Day. Very important. If you don't do that, your mind's somewhere else. Now if you're Tyler Tomea, this is your plan for the rest of the day..." Amazing.


"This is Why I Like Sports" Moments
A truly great game or transcendent moment that makes you think to yourself, so this is why I like sports. The most recent example would have to be last year's World Cup. Two draws put the U.S. into a do-or-die situation. With simultaneous kickoffs, the Americans saw England up on Slovenia. The U.S. needed to defeat Algeria, or soccer in the country would be in a disastrous position. Not getting past the group stage for a second World Cup in a row? Not advancing in a group with Slovenia, Algeria and a weaker than usual England squad? And then, in stoppage time......

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it had to be Landon Donvoan that scored that goal. The perfect person, in the perfect situation. I'll never forget how I felt when that goal was pushed across. United States 1, Algeria 0.

According to the Elias Sports Bureau, I've watched this video 57 times.

Horse Racing Analysts
I only follow horse racing three times a year, but for some reason, I watch the "pregame shows" in their entirety on those days. It always amazes me how NBC can open the broadcast at 4 p.m. for a race with a post time of 6:24 p.m. Still, for some reason, I watch.

My favorite part is when a commentator will say, "You know, Animal Kingdom is really looking for redemption today in the Belmont after his Preakness run," to which the other commentator replies, "Redemption of course, Animal Kingdom has to be motivated for this final leg." You know, if Animal Kingdom actually knew what "redemption" and "motivation" meant based on the fact that he is a horse.


Team Basketball Prevailing
I don't want to pile on LeBron after the criticism he's taken in the last few weeks. Wait a second, what am I talking about?!?! I'd love to pile on LeBron! 18 points total in the fourth quarter, Dallas victorious in six, Wooooo!

Watching Jim Zorn Coach
Since I go to college in Washington, D.C., my Sundays during my freshman year usually consisted of tracking games against spread (if it were legal), frantically refreshing my fantasy football team page, trying to explain to my two roomates the concept of football and watching Zorn coach. I always enjoyed the confused look on his face while staring at the play call sheet: It was like he was trying to decipher hieroglyphic code. Oh yeah, and then there's this:

This will be the first and last time you ever hear the words, "And the kicker is motion..."

Sports Betting
Simmons perfectly summarizes what makes this so great: The team you bet on becomes "your team" for the next three hours. If it wasn't for this, why would I care if the Jacksonville Jaguars won, or lost by less than 3.5 points. For those three hours, I'm rooting for the Jags as hard as I would if it was Duke-UNC in the middle of February.

Rooting for "Your Guy"
For me, it's always been J.J. Redick. He was the sole reason I became a Duke fan, because his game is similar to mine (good jump shooter, good free throw shooter). Plus, he's white.

As a middle schooler, I would wear my white Duke No. 4 jersey to school on a daily basis, and my nightly rituals consisted of watching him play and then imitating him the next day during basketball practice.

My best memory by far is the Duke-Texas game (No. 1 vs No. 2) in East Rutherford, N.J. during his senior year. Duke always makes at least one trip to New York or New Jersey during the holiday season, and a tradition of mine is attending these games with my Dad. He scored 41 points. On nine 3-pointers. In a 97-66 Duke win. That's my guy!

A ninth-grade version of me was at this game, at a time when I was convinced I'd be playing college basketball for Duke.

The Rankings: Top 5 Modern Video Game Athletes

Before getting into the rankings, there first needs to be a mention of the Michael Jordan of video game athletes. There's a sort of mythical greatness surrounding virtual Bo Jackson in 1991's Tecmo Super Bowl. The stories told are so incredible, so out of this world, that it's tough to believe them at first. "I once had 350 rushing yards at halftime with video Bo." Or, "I finished one game with over 750 rushing yards on the afternoon." In fact, people today go up to Jackson simply to complement him on the abilities of his virtual self.
I've read that players would run out one whole quarter on a single play with Jackson before heading to the endzone. (Not that I researched this or anything like that). I can't rank Jackson on my list because I was barely over 1-year-old when Tecmo was released, but like Willie Mays or Joe Montana, even though I never saw him play, I recognize his greatness. Luckily, I've finally found the purpose of the Internet- YouTube videos of Virtual Bo!

Without further ado, the rankings:

1) Mike Vick, Madden 2004- The most dominant virtual athlete of my time, and it's not even close. On numerous occasions, Vick has caused me to contemplate whether or not to fire my controller through the TV screen when one of my buddies would pull a long touchdown run. My favorite play: The "Take a snap from shotgun, run backwards 20 yards, then fire an off-balance laser down the field for a 40-yard pass completion" play. Vick was the first Madden quarterback where you could take the snap, directly run to the sideline and then bolt 80 yards for a touchdown. Even if you didn't like Atlanta, you had to take Vick out for a couple of test runs just to see what he could do. As an added bonus, this was before the whole dogfighting scandal, so you didn't feel guilty while playing with him. 

2) Jon Dowd, MVP Baseball 2005- You're probably thinking, "Wait, what?" "Who the heck is Jon Dowd?" Because Barry Bonds wasn't a member of the MLBPA, MVP Baseball needed to create a fictional counterpart for the San Francisco outfielder. That counterpart was Jon Dowd. In the game, Dowd was white, fat, batted right-handed, wore high socks, sported a goatee and had hair. An exact replica of Bonds himself! Putting his ridiculous physical features aside, Dowd boasted attributes of a 99 hit for power against right-handed pitchers and a 99 hit for contact against righties. You would have to have severe hand-eye coordination problems to not make contact when Dowd was at the plate.   Whether a 637-foot long ball, or a season with 160 home runs, you'd think Bonds Dowd was on steroids or something.      

3) Ken Griffey, Jr., Major League Baseball Featuring Ken Griffey, Jr.- When your name appears in the game's title, it's guaranteed your virtual self will be good. But Griffey was way more than good, smacking 600-foot home runs in this game with ease, and it didn't even matter when you swung the bat. You could swing as soon as the pitcher released the ball, or when the ball was inches away from the catcher's mitt, and somehow Junior would send a missile to center field. Also included in the game was a cheat code where Griffey would hit a home run each time at bat. (Again, not that I looked this up or anything). And not only did Griffey have the deft ability to hit balls five feet off the plate or pitches coming towards his head, but because he was on Seattle, he also didn't have to deal with Jamie Moyer's 46 mph changeup or Randy Johnson's 106 mph fastball. Sadly, Griffey's major league career went the opposite way of the video game industry: As the graphics of these games improved, his career hit a steady (and sad) decline as injuries mounted. So, what we're left with is the Nintendo 64 version of Junior.

4) Randy Moss, NFL 2K- There are few things in life more frightening than playing against the Vikings in NFL 2K, and seeing No. 84 streak down the sideline in one-on-one coverage. OK, maybe there are a lot of things more frightening than that, but still. Moss had the speed, and the ability to soar above three defenders and snag a pass out of the air. One-handed, a ball thrown behind him, a one-handed catch with the ball thrown behind him, Moss could catch everything. And I mean everything. My buddy Vo is famous for running an offense in football video games that goes something like this- 1st down: Deep Pass, 2nd down: Deeper Pass, 3rd down: Deepest Pass, 4th down: Punt, or Hail Mary. If he had Moss on his side in NFL 2K, those plays would actually work. Virtual Moss' greatness also made Minnesota one of the top video game teams with himself, a mobile, strong-armed quarterback (Daunte Culpepper), a very good running back (Robert Smith) and a possession receiver (Cris Carter). Like Vick having his own offense in Madden 2004, NFL 2K had the "Screw it, let's just throw it deep to Moss offense."

5) Reggie Bush, Madden 2007- 97 player speed. 98 agility. 98 acceleration. 99 juke moves. After reading that, you probably think I'm describing Barry Sanders. Actually, I was describing virtual Bush from Madden '07. Bush fell into the common trap of "overhyped rookie" who receives a higher rating based on his college accolades. Because of his career at USC, Bush had the rating handed over to him rather than earned, similar to how NFL rookies now have their contracts guaranteed before earning any of it. Bush's overall rating made him one of the best first-year players in Madden lore, and his blazing speed combined with shifty jukes made him unrealistically elusive. There's even some Zapruder-like footage of Bush in action on YouTube to prove my point. The only thing keeping Bush from reaching elite status in the '07 version was his 62 awareness rating. But, as we saw later on with the USC scandal, this rating of 62 was perhaps too high. Zing!